A Bed for My Heart

“People have asked me what’s it like to live life with a deceased child because they “just can’t fathom”… Well let me do my best to explain it in a way that can be understood.

It’s being dead but still being able to breathe, barely.

It’s like having your entire world thrown into a blender and mixed up to a liquid. Having your heart and lungs ripped out of your body so violently and never put back. Leaving a hole in your chest that will never heal and seeps pain, tears, anger, hate and regret.

It’s like living in a dream that you can never wake up from, except it’s a fucking nightmare. A life long fucking nightmare.

It’s like having a large glass jar filled with happiness and you drop it on the ground and all the happiness blows away in the wind to never return.

It’s like having a million people around hugging and loving you but you still feel completely alone. Going from having people to talk with to having not one person message or call anymore because they don’t know what to say to you … at all, about anything…

It’s standing in the kitchen cooking food for the ones still here and crying so hard you can’t see yourself burning the food.

Some days it’s falling to the floor, screaming so hard that no sound comes out and you run out of breath but don’t stop screaming until you are hyperventilating and dizzy.

It’s a million little demons battling one single tiny angel in your brain, testing to see if you’re strong enough or not to survive this.

It’s like always trying to convince yourself that people want you around even though you feel like you’re just a placement for convenience in this world and in people’s lives.

Honestly. It’s like knowing that you’re going to die eventually and embracing it with open arms like a long lost friend.

It’s like this picture below of you holding on with everything you have and feel it all melt away.

No it doesn’t get better. It doesn’t get easier. You just learn to live, to survive.” – Unknown author

It takes a village. Join ours. A Bed For My Heart

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#LoveWhatMatters

“My heart… there was a mother and her 2 young girls in front of me on the plane and the baby suddenly had a very loud crying fit that wouldn’t stop. This Southwest employee asked the mother to come to the back of the plane with him. I looked back and saw him blowing bubbles for the little girl until she stopped crying as he was also giving tissues to the mother and consoling her as she was crying too. There are some seriously kind people in this world.”

Kentucke Talawn & Racism

Y’all see that scar!? I had a wreck on a moped & busted my chest open. I touched my heart five times. Keep in mind when I was on the ground dying all the black ppl on the block just stood there and didn’t call for help… A elder white man stopped laid me down and called for help. He stay there and kept me calm even tho he was scared out of his mind. A year after I got out the hospital I went looking for the white man & I found him. I showed him my chest and told him the doctors said he saved my life… At that moment we shared tears & he hugged me.
The devil couldn’t turn me into a racist if he wanted to. 🙏🏾